Friday, November 20, 2015

Maple Insists: Why Truly Me Shoes Are (Mostly) Truly Useless, Part Three

So I'll start up with some more Urban Outfitters outfits to cleanse our visual palette.

Clean off our eyeballs.



Black booties.

Black ankle boots.

Suede or slightly shiny, but not patent.

American Girl?

Hello?

"Oh! Oh! We have some Truly Me brown booties!!!"

Brown?

"Yes!!! Brown!!!"

What do they look like?

"Here they are!!!"

Um.

There's pink _____ on there, man.

Do you see pink _____ on those UO boots? No.

"We have black boots, too!!!"

Really?


Um.

What color is that stitching?

"It's a light mauve."

Light mauve my tiny cloth butt.

That's pink.

"Okay, okay. Black boots. Here you go!"


They look like are made of foam.

Do you have Truly Me black ankle booties?

"How about these????"


Those belong to the farking Bride of Frankenstein costume!!!

And they look like cloth crud with neon stitching.

Do they glow in the dark???

"How about these? They aren't exactly Truly Me...."

When I see these ^^^, I think of....


Those ^^^ are called "Seduce," btw.

And I also think of this....

Which is an awesome musical for those of you who don't have anything against drag queens.

Really American Girl.

Don't make patent leather high boots.

That's just asking for trouble.

"We have other boots!!!"

Really?

"Yes!!!"


I just threw up in my mouth.

It's like you guys gutted a lavender stuffed animal and then asked me to tie it around my foot.


Hey-Zeus, take the wheel.


These will go with 2 of my outfits.

Nice try, but these are not black, nor just solid brown.

How many times do you think I need purple boots?

"We have blue ones too!!!"


Oh thank goodness - the laces are salmon.

Makes them very low-key and simple enough to go with....any soldier blue and deep salmon outfit I own.

I hope those laces are removable.

"We also just released these boots!!!"

All of my prayers have been answered.

They will go with that one winter set you are selling this year, and with nothing else at all.

Like you can't just go with the basic Nordic colors -- tan, white, navy, red, grey, black?

Any or all of those colors would have made these boots amazing.

Remove the orange, the pink, the purple.

They just aren't realistic, American Girl.

It's not like human examples don't exist.


 

 

Sigh.

So you want good boots for your outfits?

What do you do?

Turn to the historical line.

These work with more outfits than the Truly Me options.





And there's always Grace's booties.

But these will be gone soon.


Can't have anything useful sticking around too long....

And Hey-Zeus forbid that something comes without a bow on it....

Stay tuned for Part Four, when I complain more!!!

Yes, I am pretty sure there are still enough wretched shoes for at least one more part in this series...brace yourselves, readers.

Hugs and Kisses,

Maple

2 comments:

Lauren EM said...

Can we all just take a moment to appreciate Maple's greatness? I seriously laugh my a** off each time I read a Maple Insists post. She takes everything I didn't know I felt about AG products and makes me belly-laugh every time. Please, please never stop these glorious posts. So much love. So much. Never stop. <3

Melody Silverleaf said...

Loving this series! Thank you for speaking your mind. :)

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