Maple Insists: Why Truly Me Shoes Are (Mostly) Truly Useless, Part Four

So some of you might have been like -- 

"OMG! Maple forgot the ivory boots!!!" in that last post.

No, I didn't forget them.

I just tried to block them from my mind in frustration.

White boots are mostly useless UNLESS you have white in your outfit that matches them.

If you don't, and you dressed in your all-emo outfit of blacks, grays, reds, etc. -- your white boots will look like slippers or hospital booties from the asylum you just escaped.

So you HAVE to have white in your outfit that matches them.

And that's very difficult to accomplish.

The instant you wear a different shade of white, one of them is automatically going to look dirty.

I'd love to put those white boots with doll-size outfits like these...

But the whites/creams/ivories HAVE TO MATCH.

And basically, it's nearly impossible to accomplish this goal when you are mixing and matching.

Which is why everyone uses shearling in their boots instead of an attempt at pure ivory or white.

Shearling gives you a lot of wiggle room, without looking "off" or dirty.

So I have a TON of white doll boots.

A TON.

But the whites have to match.

And that is a constant source of frustration when styling outfits.

 So now that I've beaten the boot horse to death....

Dress shoes and flats....

These 2 prs are fine for posh outfits ^^^.

But patent leather (especially with sparkles) does not transfer past formalwear.

You can't wear these things to school with some skinnies.

You'll look like you forgot to take off your shoes after dance class.

No.

Goes with nothing.

Never.

Totally useless.

Burn them.

And then burn my eyes because I saw them.

Oh wait...I will buy them right after I get this dress....

With those classy pockets to help my non-existent hips flare out more.

And I will have to master the seductive squint in order to pull this look off.

^^^???

Because American Girl could only afford a little sparkle for each shoe???

These just look stupid.

Never mind trying to put them in an outfit.

I want these ^^^ to work.

I really do.

But they are tough. Not a lot of neutral colors in there.

I have yet to find an outfit to put them with.

They always look out of place, especially since they're not even black-black as their base color.

It's a weird muted grey-black.

Thanks, American Guuuurrrrlllll.

These ^^^ are more useful. 

Probably the most useful sandals in the Truly Me line at this time.

If you don't have these for next year's spring and summer outfits,

 order them when that outfit goes on sale.

They just look...gasp!....normal.

Okay. I see what you are trying for here ^^^.

It's not like Urban Outfitters doesn't sell gold shoes.

They do.

Lots of trendy places sell gold shoes.

But are the bows necessary?

And the layer of glitter?

No. And No.

And these ^^^^.

What were you thinking?

Did a two-year-old design these?

You don't put pink, gold, and silver together and then try to make them into a loafer.

What the _______???

What outfit are these ^^^ supposed to go with?

No, really. What outfit?

Please send me a pic of an outfit these go with.

Alright, we move into useful territory.

I don't like the color of these things ^^^.

But at least you could put them with some jean shorts and a white t-shirt and not look like you were wearing Kim Kardashian's shoes.

Bee costume crocs.

I know.

But I like them.

Why?

Because they are simple.

They could work for a lot of things.

It would be better if they weren't crocs though.

And clearly the yellow clashes with some things.

But caution yellow can work as a shoe accent (in small amounts!!!) 

to make it slightly sporty-looking.

So the winner for the most-realistic shoes?

Yes ^^^ these Adidas sandal rip-offs.

Maybe not with the socks, unless you are a soccer player.

But these are perfect for shuffling down into the dorm kitchen to make ramen noodles.

Especially on the nights when your crush might come by and you don't want him to see you in your stuffed Eeyore slippers (yet).

But are they useful?

No, not really.

Only for summer outfits.

And right now it's fall and winter, baby.

So unless you live in Argentina....

_____________

As a final note....I want these in AG size...

Like I said. I like wild. I like weird.

But it has to work with my wardrobe.

These are playful without being overbearing.

You could wear your Urban Outfitters clothes with these ^^^ and not look like you were cray cray.

Alrighty then.

Hope you enjoyed this latest series of Maple Insists.

Stay tuned for more posts!!!